A Letter To Myself When I Want To Break Down

You got this. Believe me when I say You got this.

I know the pain in your heart is too much to bear. You find yourself crying in a spur of a moment because of all the sadness and loneliness you are feeling. As the saying goes, this too shall pass.

I know it’s hard to live alone. It’s harder to live alone when all  your life, you got her. You made decisions with her, have conversations with her, you literally do everything together. But even if she’s gone, always remember that you’re not alone. You have your best friend, who tries to make you go out, your team mate who always make you smile, and neighbours who had always been supporting you. She will always be around. She’s watching you from above. You will never be alone because she will always be in your heart.

I know you’re disheartened and confused. You don’t know what to do with your life. It’s like having a quarterlife crisis all over again. When your mind is filled with many ideas, stop and think of what you should prioritise. Decide what or which should matter the most. “Don’t make decisions when you’re mad. Don’t make promises when you’re happy.” Remember, every decision you make had it’s consequences, good or bad. It will all be up to you to make that step. When you no longer know what to do, pause for a while, and pray. Talk to her. Talk to God. One day, your mind will be clear and you will know what you should do next.

There are times that you miss her. You miss her hugs and kisses. You miss her encouraging words. You miss talking to her. And sometimes, you blame yourself for her death, because you simply gave her up, because you did not do anything within your power to prolong her life. You did you best. You gave her a comfortable life she deserve. Maybe it’s her wish to God not  to prolong her agony. She knows that if she continues to live, it will affect you the most. It’s OK to miss her. It’s OK not to move on for now. But you have to move on somehow. Always remember, she loves you because you are her flesh and blood. She loves you, whatever shortcomings you have. She will always be proud of you, and what you have become. It will break her heart to see you miserable and sad.

When you feel like you just wanted to end it all, then think about this – even if you take your own life, there is no possibility you’ll go to where she is. Think of the people that still needs you. Think of all the people that will be in pain if you take your own life. Think about the moments you’ll miss when you’re gone. Life is too short to do all the things you want. You have so much things to do, still. Make new memories. Done make your life shorter by wishing to be dead.

When you feel you can no longer go on, when you feel weak, when you fell like breaking down and cry, always think of the happiest memories you had. You’ve gone through the worst. You survived till this day. God will not forsake you.God gave you this life, because He knows you’re strong enough to live it. God never gives you anything that you cannot bear. He may have taken something from you, but He gives you something much better than what was taken away from you. He may not answer all your prayers, but He will give everything you ask for in His perfect time. Whenever you feel weak, hold on to Him.

So go and live your life. You deserve it. Move on and look forward, but don’t forget to look back. Be happy, because that’s what you’re supposed to be.

Believe me. You got this. You got this, because you’re stronger and braver than you think you are.

 

 

 

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