Not Another New Year’s Resolution – 2018 Edition

Well, it’s time of that year once again to make new year’s resolution and wishes. I’m not sure how many of the New Year’s resolution in 2017 was I able to do, and how may of my wishes came true. And so, here I am again with my resolution for 2018.

1. I’ll prioritize self-care.

This year was particularly a big challenge in terms of my health – mentally and physically. 2017 was the year I got really sick because of my lifestyle. I got more depressed during the first half of the year because of this. So this year, I’ll prioritize myself. I will eat healthily, take good care of my skin, exercise more,  and prioritize my mental health. I’ll stay away from anything that would stress me out. I’ll be more positive with my life.

2. I’ll overcome my social anxiety.

I’m not sure if I’m just unfriendly, or too introverted, or anti-social. Sometimes, I think the person who donated his/her blood to me simply has hatred for people in his genes, and passed it out to me. I observed that I’m having a hard time interacting with people these days. So for this year, I resolve to be more approachable and friendly, even if I don’t like the people around me.

3. Do most of the things in my bucket list.

I’ve listed a lot in my bucket list planner, and I hope I can do most of it in 2018.

4. Save more money

This is always part of my new year’s resolution. I’m not sure if I fail or not, but I think I did fail. I’ll try not to impulsively buy the things I want. I’ll do more money challenges (hey, the Php 50 money challenge was quite effective for me vs. the 52 week challenge). If I want something and it’s not on my budget, I’ll do my best to save up for it (this article actually has a good advice about impulse buying). I’ll do my best to addup to my UITF and Mutual Fund. Most of all, I will not easily lend someone a huge amount of money, because I’m not even sure if they will return the money to me on time.

5. Travel more.

I was able to do this last year, but there are still so many places I want to go. So I’ll save up more so I can travel more.

6. Stay away from social media from time to time.

If there’s one thing I realized this year, one of the source of my anxiety and depression is my social media. Honestly, I felt envious whenever I see my friends. Plus, it adds up to my stress and hurt my eyes. So I decided I’ll go offline for a week from time to time, especially in FB.

7. Read more books

Since I’m planning to be offline most of the time, and reading 10 books is part of my bucket list, I will read more books this year. I used to read tons of book back then, until internet ruined me.

As for my plans next year, still I’m not sure. That would depend on my work schedule 🙂

Advertisements

Parallel Worlds

There is a theory about parallel worlds, where with every decision you make, a new parallel world is created. For example, there is a world where in you decided to  take a different route to work rather than the usual ones  you take. There is a parallel world created when you decided to wear the pink dress to work, instead of the white one.

When faced with two or more choices in life, I sometimes wonder what would happen if I chose option A rather than option B. Would I be happier? Would my  life me better? Will it make my day bright, or will it make my day bad?

I would like to think there’s a world where I chose the other option instead of what I chose now. And sometimes, it made me think, maybe that option is better that what I have right now. Maybe, if I chose the one that I didn’t choose in the first place, the outcome wouldn’t be like this.

Although I feel like I’m not contented with the way my life is going, I find solace with the thought that there is another world/dimension/space where I chose a different path. Maybe there’s another world where I’m enjoying my life when I decided to choose the job offer to  another company months ago. Maybe there’s another world where I am happy with my life should I not accepted the promotion years ago. Maybe there’s a world where my mom is still alive.

I guess these thoughts are coming from regrets – regrets of letting go, of trying to stay in the comfort zone, of wanting to take all the opportunities. Of course, there will always be regrets in life. And we will always wonder, what would have happened in my life should I chose the other option.

Maybe that’s why there’s theories like this.

Reset

“I’d go back to the moment it all fell apart and I’d start there.”

– The Piper’s Son

Maybe, what I needed is a reset. Maybe, what I needed is to start from where it all ended. Maybe, I needed to change my way from where my world began to crumble.

There were regrets. A lot of it. As much as I try to correct my mistakes, it only makes things worse. It only make things more complicated. So while correcting the mistakes is one obvious option, when your paper already has a lot of erasures, is it only logical to tear that paper out, put on a new and clean one and start over?

They say bad decisions make good stories. Mine is a combination of both – a good decision with a bad ending, a bad decision that made it for the better. But somehow, I ended up not being happy of the outcome of what I did. When you don’t like what you’re doing anymore, the only left thing to do is to stop it.

“Stay when you’re  happy, leave when you’re not.” I can count on my fingers how many times I tried to leave, to run away from everything. I always tell myself, this isn’t meant for me, but still end up doing the job. I’m not sure if the problem is with me, or with the circumstances I am in. Maybe it’s the latter. But then again, maybe it’s me.

So here I am, stopping to do a reset. It’s a time to clear my mind from things I want and don’t want, to separate my dreams and aspirations from my happiness, to make just a clean slate. I’m doing a reset to see what matters most to me. To do what I used to be happy doing.

Although, I’m not sure what will happen if this reset won’t work. At this stage, maybe it’s too early to tell. Maybe, if this reset won’t work, I just have to start from the scratch once again.

 

A Letter To Myself When I Want To Break Down

You got this. Believe me when I say You got this.

I know the pain in your heart is too much to bear. You find yourself crying in a spur of a moment because of all the sadness and loneliness you are feeling. As the saying goes, this too shall pass.

I know it’s hard to live alone. It’s harder to live alone when all  your life, you got her. You made decisions with her, have conversations with her, you literally do everything together. But even if she’s gone, always remember that you’re not alone. You have your best friend, who tries to make you go out, your team mate who always make you smile, and neighbours who had always been supporting you. She will always be around. She’s watching you from above. You will never be alone because she will always be in your heart.

I know you’re disheartened and confused. You don’t know what to do with your life. It’s like having a quarterlife crisis all over again. When your mind is filled with many ideas, stop and think of what you should prioritise. Decide what or which should matter the most. “Don’t make decisions when you’re mad. Don’t make promises when you’re happy.” Remember, every decision you make had it’s consequences, good or bad. It will all be up to you to make that step. When you no longer know what to do, pause for a while, and pray. Talk to her. Talk to God. One day, your mind will be clear and you will know what you should do next.

There are times that you miss her. You miss her hugs and kisses. You miss her encouraging words. You miss talking to her. And sometimes, you blame yourself for her death, because you simply gave her up, because you did not do anything within your power to prolong her life. You did you best. You gave her a comfortable life she deserve. Maybe it’s her wish to God not  to prolong her agony. She knows that if she continues to live, it will affect you the most. It’s OK to miss her. It’s OK not to move on for now. But you have to move on somehow. Always remember, she loves you because you are her flesh and blood. She loves you, whatever shortcomings you have. She will always be proud of you, and what you have become. It will break her heart to see you miserable and sad.

When you feel like you just wanted to end it all, then think about this – even if you take your own life, there is no possibility you’ll go to where she is. Think of the people that still needs you. Think of all the people that will be in pain if you take your own life. Think about the moments you’ll miss when you’re gone. Life is too short to do all the things you want. You have so much things to do, still. Make new memories. Done make your life shorter by wishing to be dead.

When you feel you can no longer go on, when you feel weak, when you fell like breaking down and cry, always think of the happiest memories you had. You’ve gone through the worst. You survived till this day. God will not forsake you.God gave you this life, because He knows you’re strong enough to live it. God never gives you anything that you cannot bear. He may have taken something from you, but He gives you something much better than what was taken away from you. He may not answer all your prayers, but He will give everything you ask for in His perfect time. Whenever you feel weak, hold on to Him.

So go and live your life. You deserve it. Move on and look forward, but don’t forget to look back. Be happy, because that’s what you’re supposed to be.

Believe me. You got this. You got this, because you’re stronger and braver than you think you are.

 

 

 

642 Tiny Things To Write About -A Book Of Quick Writes

I was so happy when I found the Fully Booked is back in Gateway! And what made me more happy is when I saw this book.

I have been dealing with writer’s block for years now, and I badly wanted to get back into writing. One reason why I opened this blog, is so that I can fore myself to write, instead of doing the usual reblog on Tumblr. When I saw this book, I said to myself, “Hey, this can be a cure to my writer’s block!”. But, unfortunately, I wasn’t able to start writing yet. I planned to write during my long vacation and start with this one. Nevertheless, I’ll include writing in my new year’s resolution.

Browsing the book, I found the topics to write about very witty and creative. Some made me think that I can write about that topic, and some made me think “WTF?! I have no idea how to write that!”

Here are some topics/subjects I picked from the book in random.

Create a new government agency. Start with an acronym.

DECT – Department of Extraterrestrial Contact and Technology

Describe your job as if it were a hobby

I like to do testing, and capturing defects. From time to time, I also talk to the team onshore to discuss the results of the testing. I also like to write SQL scripts for reports, and run them to production. I usually send the reports to those who like it.

Describe your hobby as if it were a job

My responsibility is to watch and review Asian Dramas and Anime, and listen and review music, making sure that they are of good quality, and at par with the rest of it’s kind. I am also tasked to do creative writing, mostly in the topic of romance, drama and comedy.

The first or last paragraph of the book you lack the courage to publish

“I grew up believing in fairy tales. I always believed that I am a princess or a damsel in distress, and that my prince would one day find me and save me. I always knew that when I love, I will love forever. I’ve always waited for the day when I will grew up and find the love that I’ve always wanted.”

Yeah, I know what I wrote is too lame. I still need practice. But anyway, it’s a start, right?

I love this little book a lot. It gets my mind thinking of what I can write. There are more than a hundred ways to write about a certain topic in this book, that I could not decide which I should write. It is really a good book for writing, and it does give you a tiny flash of inspiration.

2017

2016 had been a very tough year for me. However, it was a wonderful journey. Last year, I wrote my new year’s resolution and wishes, so I decided to do it again this year. I hope I can get me wish next year, and be able to fulfill my resolutions.

New Year’s Resolution

  • I will prioritize myself above everything else
  • I will save more
  • I will minimize my cursing
  • I will find a new hobby
  • I will take good care of myself
  • I will think 4 times before making a crucial decision
  • I will travel more
  • Work-life balance
  • Make new friends
  • Cook more
  • Eat more healthily
  • Be more adventurous and spontaneous
  • Learn new skill
  • Go back to school

New Year’s Wishes

  • New phone
  • Salary increase 
  • New car
  • Win the lottery
  • More travel
  • Love, hope, acceptance and happiness

I guess for this year, my motto would be, “Accept what you cannot change and change what you cannot accept.”

 

Happy New Year everyone!

Daily Prompt: Echo

via Daily Prompt: Echo

I shouted your name on the top of a mountain. My voice bellows back at me. I asked a question to where I will find you. The only answer I got is the same question I asked.

I still regret the day I let you go. When I closed my eyes, all I can see were our beautiful memories. Then one day, everything changed. It was abrupt, like the flames dying when a bucket of water is thrown over it. Our love, like that flame, slowly became an ember until it turned into grey ashes.

My tears fell, touching the cold skin of my cheek. I wonder, how do I go on after this tragedy? One day, I rule the world with you. The next day, I found myself alone.

It was not just my voice that echoes back at me. It was not the unanswered questions I still ask from that day you left me. It was you, your image that echoes back into my mind. Those sweet smile that once was mine. Those little moments that made everything seem perfect.

Those memories are now just echoes of my mind. The sad part is, I’m the only one that can hear them…