Parallel Worlds

There is a theory about parallel worlds, where with every decision you make, a new parallel world is created. For example, there is a world where in you decided to  take a different route to work rather than the usual ones  you take. There is a parallel world created when you decided to wear the pink dress to work, instead of the white one.

When faced with two or more choices in life, I sometimes wonder what would happen if I chose option A rather than option B. Would I be happier? Would my  life me better? Will it make my day bright, or will it make my day bad?

I would like to think there’s a world where I chose the other option instead of what I chose now. And sometimes, it made me think, maybe that option is better that what I have right now. Maybe, if I chose the one that I didn’t choose in the first place, the outcome wouldn’t be like this.

Although I feel like I’m not contented with the way my life is going, I find solace with the thought that there is another world/dimension/space where I chose a different path. Maybe there’s another world where I’m enjoying my life when I decided to choose the job offer to  another company months ago. Maybe there’s another world where I am happy with my life should I not accepted the promotion years ago. Maybe there’s a world where my mom is still alive.

I guess these thoughts are coming from regrets – regrets of letting go, of trying to stay in the comfort zone, of wanting to take all the opportunities. Of course, there will always be regrets in life. And we will always wonder, what would have happened in my life should I chose the other option.

Maybe that’s why there’s theories like this.

Advertisements

Reset

“I’d go back to the moment it all fell apart and I’d start there.”

– The Piper’s Son

Maybe, what I needed is a reset. Maybe, what I needed is to start from where it all ended. Maybe, I needed to change my way from where my world began to crumble.

There were regrets. A lot of it. As much as I try to correct my mistakes, it only makes things worse. It only make things more complicated. So while correcting the mistakes is one obvious option, when your paper already has a lot of erasures, is it only logical to tear that paper out, put on a new and clean one and start over?

They say bad decisions make good stories. Mine is a combination of both – a good decision with a bad ending, a bad decision that made it for the better. But somehow, I ended up not being happy of the outcome of what I did. When you don’t like what you’re doing anymore, the only left thing to do is to stop it.

“Stay when you’re  happy, leave when you’re not.” I can count on my fingers how many times I tried to leave, to run away from everything. I always tell myself, this isn’t meant for me, but still end up doing the job. I’m not sure if the problem is with me, or with the circumstances I am in. Maybe it’s the latter. But then again, maybe it’s me.

So here I am, stopping to do a reset. It’s a time to clear my mind from things I want and don’t want, to separate my dreams and aspirations from my happiness, to make just a clean slate. I’m doing a reset to see what matters most to me. To do what I used to be happy doing.

Although, I’m not sure what will happen if this reset won’t work. At this stage, maybe it’s too early to tell. Maybe, if this reset won’t work, I just have to start from the scratch once again.

 

A Letter To Myself When I Want To Break Down

You got this. Believe me when I say You got this.

I know the pain in your heart is too much to bear. You find yourself crying in a spur of a moment because of all the sadness and loneliness you are feeling. As the saying goes, this too shall pass.

I know it’s hard to live alone. It’s harder to live alone when all  your life, you got her. You made decisions with her, have conversations with her, you literally do everything together. But even if she’s gone, always remember that you’re not alone. You have your best friend, who tries to make you go out, your team mate who always make you smile, and neighbours who had always been supporting you. She will always be around. She’s watching you from above. You will never be alone because she will always be in your heart.

I know you’re disheartened and confused. You don’t know what to do with your life. It’s like having a quarterlife crisis all over again. When your mind is filled with many ideas, stop and think of what you should prioritise. Decide what or which should matter the most. “Don’t make decisions when you’re mad. Don’t make promises when you’re happy.” Remember, every decision you make had it’s consequences, good or bad. It will all be up to you to make that step. When you no longer know what to do, pause for a while, and pray. Talk to her. Talk to God. One day, your mind will be clear and you will know what you should do next.

There are times that you miss her. You miss her hugs and kisses. You miss her encouraging words. You miss talking to her. And sometimes, you blame yourself for her death, because you simply gave her up, because you did not do anything within your power to prolong her life. You did you best. You gave her a comfortable life she deserve. Maybe it’s her wish to God not  to prolong her agony. She knows that if she continues to live, it will affect you the most. It’s OK to miss her. It’s OK not to move on for now. But you have to move on somehow. Always remember, she loves you because you are her flesh and blood. She loves you, whatever shortcomings you have. She will always be proud of you, and what you have become. It will break her heart to see you miserable and sad.

When you feel like you just wanted to end it all, then think about this – even if you take your own life, there is no possibility you’ll go to where she is. Think of the people that still needs you. Think of all the people that will be in pain if you take your own life. Think about the moments you’ll miss when you’re gone. Life is too short to do all the things you want. You have so much things to do, still. Make new memories. Done make your life shorter by wishing to be dead.

When you feel you can no longer go on, when you feel weak, when you fell like breaking down and cry, always think of the happiest memories you had. You’ve gone through the worst. You survived till this day. God will not forsake you.God gave you this life, because He knows you’re strong enough to live it. God never gives you anything that you cannot bear. He may have taken something from you, but He gives you something much better than what was taken away from you. He may not answer all your prayers, but He will give everything you ask for in His perfect time. Whenever you feel weak, hold on to Him.

So go and live your life. You deserve it. Move on and look forward, but don’t forget to look back. Be happy, because that’s what you’re supposed to be.

Believe me. You got this. You got this, because you’re stronger and braver than you think you are.

 

 

 

642 Tiny Things To Write About -A Book Of Quick Writes

I was so happy when I found the Fully Booked is back in Gateway! And what made me more happy is when I saw this book.

“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.” – Jack Kerouac #642tinythingstowriteabout

A post shared by Kristina Angeles (@astoldbykeisi) on

I have been dealing with writer’s block for years now, and I badly wanted to get back into writing. One reason why I opened this blog, is so that I can fore myself to write, instead of doing the usual reblog on Tumblr. When I saw this book, I said to myself, “Hey, this can be a cure to my writer’s block!”. But, unfortunately, I wasn’t able to start writing yet. I planned to write during my long vacation and start with this one. Nevertheless, I’ll include writing in my new year’s resolution.

Browsing the book, I found the topics to write about very witty and creative. Some made me think that I can write about that topic, and some made me think “WTF?! I have no idea how to write that!”

Here are some topics/subjects I picked from the book in random.

Create a new government agency. Start with an acronym.

DECT – Department of Extraterrestrial Contact and Technology

Describe your job as if it were a hobby

I like to do testing, and capturing defects. From time to time, I also talk to the team onshore to discuss the results of the testing. I also like to write SQL scripts for reports, and run them to production. I usually send the reports to those who like it.

Describe your hobby as if it were a job

My responsibility is to watch and review Asian Dramas and Anime, and listen and review music, making sure that they are of good quality, and at par with the rest of it’s kind. I am also tasked to do creative writing, mostly in the topic of romance, drama and comedy.

The first or last paragraph of the book you lack the courage to publish

“I grew up believing in fairy tales. I always believed that I am a princess or a damsel in distress, and that my prince would one day find me and save me. I always knew that when I love, I will love forever. I’ve always waited for the day when I will grew up and find the love that I’ve always wanted.”

Yeah, I know what I wrote is too lame. I still need practice. But anyway, it’s a start, right?

I love this little book a lot. It gets my mind thinking of what I can write. There are more than a hundred ways to write about a certain topic in this book, that I could not decide which I should write. It is really a good book for writing, and it does give you a tiny flash of inspiration.

2017

2016 had been a very tough year for me. However, it was a wonderful journey. Last year, I wrote my new year’s resolution and wishes, so I decided to do it again this year. I hope I can get me wish next year, and be able to fulfill my resolutions.

New Year’s Resolution

  • I will prioritize myself above everything else
  • I will save more
  • I will minimize my cursing
  • I will find a new hobby
  • I will take good care of myself
  • I will think 4 times before making a crucial decision
  • I will travel more
  • Work-life balance
  • Make new friends
  • Cook more
  • Eat more healthily
  • Be more adventurous and spontaneous
  • Learn new skill
  • Go back to school

New Year’s Wishes

  • New phone
  • Salary increase 
  • New car
  • Win the lottery
  • More travel
  • Love, hope, acceptance and happiness

I guess for this year, my motto would be, “Accept what you cannot change and change what you cannot accept.”

 

Happy New Year everyone!

Daily Prompt: Echo

via Daily Prompt: Echo

I shouted your name on the top of a mountain. My voice bellows back at me. I asked a question to where I will find you. The only answer I got is the same question I asked.

I still regret the day I let you go. When I closed my eyes, all I can see were our beautiful memories. Then one day, everything changed. It was abrupt, like the flames dying when a bucket of water is thrown over it. Our love, like that flame, slowly became an ember until it turned into grey ashes.

My tears fell, touching the cold skin of my cheek. I wonder, how do I go on after this tragedy? One day, I rule the world with you. The next day, I found myself alone.

It was not just my voice that echoes back at me. It was not the unanswered questions I still ask from that day you left me. It was you, your image that echoes back into my mind. Those sweet smile that once was mine. Those little moments that made everything seem perfect.

Those memories are now just echoes of my mind. The sad part is, I’m the only one that can hear them…

Things I’m Thankful For

Thanksgiving Day is something that we don’t normally celebrate here in the Philippines. However, we are slowly getting acquainted with such occasion.

Although days have passed since this occasion, it would be nice to stop and think about things to be grateful for. I made a blog entry for this in one of my oldest blog, and I used make a list every year, and I’m not sure why I stopped.

  • I thank God for the life I’m living. It’s not perfect, and it’s not going the way I wanted it to be, but it’s my life – a life so unique that it was given to me. I still have a long way to go, and I may not know now the reasons for what’s happening in my life, and for my purpose here on earth, I still thank God for giving me a chance to live.
  • I thank God for my job. Yes, I have a love-hate relationship with it, but I am thankful to be given a chance for this job. I always have fear of not being able to get a job, because I never graduated from college, but here I am now. I thank God for my bosses who understand me, and my colleagues who always cheer me up.My job pays the bill, brings food on the table, and give me a little luxury in life. Though I want to give up, I still do my best because I want to prove myself to everyone at work.
  • I thank God for friends who went out of their way to reach and help me. I’ve always thought I am alone, but they proved to me that I’m not. Even when I want to be left alone, they still do their best to reach out to me
  • I thank God for my next-door neighbor, who had been looking after me since Nanay died. They had made my life much easier. In them, I found a second family.
  • I thank God for all the trials and challenges He gave me in the past. If He had not given me such trials, I wouldn’t be able to learn a valuable lesson. I thank God that He opened my eyes, and made me realize that I am stronger and braver than I think I am. There are times that I want to give up, times when I question why He had given me such trials at a very young age. But I know He will nver give me something that I cannot overcome. I trust in Him that he will not give me a challenge that I know I could not overcome without His help
  • I thank God for all the small opportunities that he gave me. Though I know I failed, I thank Him for making me be a better person after each experience.
  • I thank God for my Nanay. I thank Him for giving me her to be my mother. She is my strength, my best friend, my everything (I know this really sound so cheesy). She was always there for me, taking care of me, providing for me. She was able to do her role as both a mom and a dad for me. With her, I never felt incomplete for she have given me her love unconditionally. I thank God that she did not suffer that long. Sometimes, I question why He had to take her away from me. I may not understand His reasons for now, but I’m thankful for the 33 years He gave me to be with her. If I’m going to live my life again, I will always chose my Nanay to be my mother once again.
  • I thank God for the strength and courage he gave me every day. I don’t even know how I survive until this day, but I know that without Him, I will be weak.

There are a lot more things I am thankful for in this life. How about you, what are you thankful for?